One major source of stress for people preparing for the bar exam is how their single-minded focus on the bar exam affects their significant other and close family and friends.
Because of this, I recommend that you speak with these people early on or ideally before you begin your bar exam preparations.
You should explain that you will be taking the bar exam soon, that it is a difficult test that requires a lot of studying, and that you will not be as available as before.
Tell them this will only last a couple of months, but that it will be intense. Promise them (and fulfill that promise!) that you will be available on Saturday and/or Sunday to hang out and that you will be available each day during the evenings to talk.
Below are some strategies for speaking with important people in your life.
Significant other
If you have been with your S.O. through law school, then he or she has gotten used to you keeping long hours away in order to attend class, do your homework, study for final exams, and work at clerking gigs.
If you have already come to an accommodation about this, then the bar exam should not be much different. Maybe you will be away a couple more hours per day and occasionally on a weekend, but not much more.
If your S.O. is upset at the amount of time you are studying, then assuming you aren’t spending more than 50 or 60 hours per week studying (and I don’t think you should be) there really is no call for this behavior.
Explain that once you get a job as an attorney, it is likely that you will work a minimum of 40 hours per week, which will equate to at least 50 hours per week away from home when you factor in lunch breaks, commute time, and extra-curricular, work-related activities.
Of course, if you are going to preach like this, you have to make sure that the time you do spend with your S.O. is quality time. Vent a little about the bar exam, but do not make it the sole topic of conversation.
Study at your study place (e.g., law library) and live the rest of your life when you are at home. (I hate to create some sort of dualistic conflict between life and work, since they are interwoven and cannot really be separated, but it is a useful concept here.)
In the end, if your relationship with your S.O. is healthy going into the bar exam, it should be strong after the bar exam.
Friends
If all of your friends are either in law school or preparing for the bar exam, then there is not much need to have a preemptive talk with them about your coming unavailability.
For your friends who are not involved in the legal world, they are probably used to you not being around much during the week because you have been in law school for three years, but your increased unavailability during the evenings and possibly on weekends will be something new.
Therefore, be sure to tell your friends that for the next couple of months, you might not be available to hang out them as much as before. Encourage them to continue to invite you to go out with them in the evenings because, inevitably, you will want to go out at least a few times during your bar preparations and it would be a shame to miss out on a night with your friends because they think you are too busy.
After all, once the bar exam is over, you’ll probably want to go out with them for a big blow out celebration, so now is not the time to push them away.
Children
The majority of people taking the bar exam do not have children. For those of you who do (as I did), it presents a special problem.
If your children are very young (under 3), then the burden is really on whoever will be caring for the children while you are studying. Be sure to thank that person often. If it is your significant other, then get a babysitter every couple of weeks and go out to dinner or even a night away.
If your children are older, then you need to be sure you make time for them. You can tell them you have a very hard test coming up and that you need lots of time alone to study, but many children simply cannot comprehend studying for 8 to 10 weeks straight for a single test. It seems ridiculous to them.
When children are involved, I highly recommend having a set schedule and never varying from it. The importance of having a set schedule is two-fold: (1) your children always know when you are available (e.g., after 5pm M-F, after Noon on Saturday, and all day on Sunday); and (2) you are forced to learn during those hours or else – it is a great motivator.
{This post was excerpted from the first edition of Bar Exam Mind}
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